


Finding the lost

by CoffeeObsessed



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bullying, Character Death, Female pronouns for Pidge/Katie, Hugs, Implied Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post Season 2, This is my first work, mention of self-harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-10-05 01:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10293839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeObsessed/pseuds/CoffeeObsessed
Summary: Its been a few weeks since Shiro went missing. Yes they won the battle but it feels they've lost the war. Keith took the role as political of the black lion, but he didn't want to. Pidge doesn't sleep much and instead tries to find her brother and father. The search isn't going that great but she's trying.((Hi guys this is my first time writing fan fiction so please let me know if it doesn't flow that well! I don't know how often I can update but I will try to do so regularly.))





	1. Chapter 1

There were a lot of things that kept Pidge up at night. One, the idea that she might not see her mother again. Two, Matt and her father were still out there somewhere. Three, her family when reunited would never be the same again. Her mother never approved of her leaving. To be honest, after her father and Matt disappeared, she hardly left the house. It took a toll on her mother and she swore to get them back; simply to make her mother smile again.   
So that night she decided to go and try and locate Shiro, if that was possible. She would find a way. She just changed into her everyday attire, no one would judge her here. That was one of the perks, she thought.   
Since Shiro had gone missing, everyone started acting like her mother did, she understood why. Shiro’s the stability everyone needed to keep going and he depended on them as much as they depended on him. Now he’s gone, Keith didn’t stop looking for him. She didn’t understand why, Shiro told her they had a past but what that past is was unknown to the green paladin.   
“Pidge?” A voice dragged Pidge from her thoughts. It was Lance. What was he doing up at this hour, she thought.   
“Yeah, what are you doing up? It’s pretty late.” She replied. It was a genuine question. Why was he up?  
“I was going to try and find a way to find Shiro. I can’t stop thinking about it.” Lance looked exhausted, there were bags under his eyes and his skin looked paler. “What are you doing up, Pidge?”   
“I’m trying to find my family. I found that Matt was taken by Rebels, I’m trying to find a way to track him. Currently I’ve had no luck. My father on the other hand is nowhere. I can’t find him anywhere. I’m quite scared about his safety.” She didn’t realize but her hands were trembling. That wasn’t a good start.   
“I’m sorry about that. I really am. I just feel like something isn’t right. Especially since Shiro left.” Lance did have a point, she wasn’t going to lie. “It’s like the team lost its anchor.” At this point he looked at the floor and it was clear he wasn’t keen on the idea of continuing the conversation.   
“If you need me I’ll be with the green lion.” She knew what she had to do now. She had to find all the pilots of the Kerberos mission. Determination was what kept her going, however she didn’t know if she could find what she was looking for easily. It could be impossible to find her father. Matt would be impossible to find if she could find all the rebels that could have taken a tech genius. That could be an impossible feat but she wanted to bring her family back together.   
TIME SKIP  
After a while he was worried. Keith knew he couldn’t go on the way he was, but Lance was starting to not stop either. It wasn’t that he cared for Lance like no other, but they were partners after all. These days it was the occasional kiss on the lips when they were alone rather than anything else. He decided that enough as enough and he needed to bring them back together, or take them apart. Simply ignoring the issue wasn’t good enough anymore. It was time to take action, he thought, so he left his room and went to Lances’ and just knocked on it to which there was no reply.   
“Lance? We need to talk. Ignoring your problems doesn’t make them go away.” It was true, sure, but that is what he was currently doing. “What are you doing in there? I’m going to come in.” He was worried at the act that Lance wasn’t responding.   
“Paladins, hurry to the Green Lion Bay.” It didn’t take him long to find Allura, in fact, it took him no more than 10 minutes. The problem was lying on the floor and it was the unconscious body of Pidge.   
“Pidge!” Hunk shouted as he approached.   
“What happened?” Keith asked. Lance walked in and ran to Pidge’s side and tried to wake her up. He seemed to calm down when he put his hand to her lips.   
“It’s okay, I think she’s exhausted. She needs sleep. I guess it finally caught up with her.” Lance looked at Keith like he was saying ‘This is you if you don’t stop’. Keith understood, but he couldn’t afford to stop now. He would find Shiro.   
“Lance, help me carry her to a healing pod, she could do with it. Does anyone know what she was doing down here while she should have been resting?” Coran was calming down. The entire crew of the ship was worried about Pidge and the only person who really knew the whole story was Shiro, but he was gone. Keith didn’t expect Lance to speak up, but he did anyway. What else was the blue paladin hiding from him? He thought.   
“She’s been trying to find her brother based from the information we’ve been getting. She found that her brother was taken by rebels. She doesn’t know what happened to her father though. From what I can gather, she hasn’t slept much.” Lance said that like he regretted what he said th minute he said it. Hunk looked ashamed, like he should have known. Allura had a look of understanding. Her and Coran were the only ones who understood what it was like to lose someone.   
“Right. That’s out next goal then. We’re going to find these rebels and help Pidge in her search for her family. We’re going to push that to top priority with finding Shiro. Is everybody agreed?” Allura instantly took on the role of leader which Keith really envied. Since Shiro went missing, he was the one who had to lead Voltron. The paladins looked at each other then at Pidge who was now being held by Lance.   
“Good, now you can all go. I recommend Keith and Hunk to go and rest. You all need it. Lance, you too.” With that, the topic was over, situation dealt with. But still Lance showed no signs of stopping to talk.   
“Lance, when you’re done, come to my room. We need to talk.” As soon as he finished, Keith walked off to his room. He didn’t even give Lance time to reply as he walked off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven months have nearly passed since Shiro disappeared and Matt is now on a ship after being taken by rebels. But what will happen when a Galra ship attacks the ship he is on?

6 months later  
His back slammed against the wall. That’s how Matt Holt knew he was still alive. The ship he was on was attacked by another ship, presumably Galra. But he couldn’t go back there. Not again. He needed to find a way out, an escape pod. Anything. Anything but with the Galra.   
“Matt, we need to get out of here. There’s too much damage!” A voice shook him from his thoughts. He didn’t really know names here, but he did know that this man was holding out a hand to help him up. He was too weak at deny it. It felt like he was back there, with Shiro, about to fight all over again.   
“I- Thanks.” Matt took the hand and got up. His knees were trembling. His hands were shaking like crazy. Surely Katie had given up on finding him and dad at this point.   
Katie.  
The thought of his genius little sister nearly made him cry. He missed her like mad. Her, mum, and especially Gunther. He and the family pet had shared a great deal of good memories, not ones he could afford to think about now though. Those thoughts were a sign of weakness and he was weak for being captured in the first place. If he ever did see Katie again, she wouldn’t forgive him for losing the location of their father.   
“Matt. Are you going to be able to walk?” The tall rebel was holding his arms out in support but Matt was reluctant to take them. That’s when he felt it, his heart beat was getting faster and it felt like it would never stop. He just wanted to run away somewhere.   
“I need go get out.” He whispered. He was too weak to even talk, he displayed such weakness, the soldiers used to say. He still believed them now.   
Suddenly he pushed past the man who tried to support him and sprinted in the first direction he saw. He had no idea where an escape was, but he had to find it. His chest felt so tight from the breathing and his head felt so light but he couldn’t stop. He was going to escape. He would find his father and find a way home.   
Hopefully.   
After various turns and run ins with Galra soldiers, he managed to find his way to a pod. This was it. If only he could get home like Shiro did. God, Shiro. There was so much he could say about Shiro, so many feelings he knew he could never express. They had a short-lived summer romance, told no one, then went to Kerberos, and then it all went wrong. They wanted to be happy, not this. This was never in the plan. Now Shiro was safe on Earth and he was here. He was incredibly jealous.   
“STOP WHERE YOU ARE!” His head spun round as the voice boomed round the room. He needed to keep running. Don’t stop. Run. RUN. “I know you’re there. Do you know the champion?” Suddenly he recognized the voice. Tears were threatening to fall from his face. It was Shiro. He was safe so why? Why is he here?   
“S-Shiro?” Matt’s voice was trembling more than his hands. Then Shiro ran towards him grabbed his hand and ran to the escape pods the door shut and it shut off into space.   
This all happened so fast. It took him half an hour to get into this situation.   
“I suppose I should explain.” Shiro’s voice was so calming, just as he remembered. It had been so long since he heard it like that. Sure, he was scared, but he was calming down now he knew he was with someone he considered to be a safety blanket. “Long story short, have you heard of Voltron?” Matt was confused. The rebels he was taken by talked about Voltron often. He even heard they killed Zarkon.  
“Well, they did talk about it, but I never really payed much attention. I heard they killed Zarkon. That’s a big deal.” He had no other way to word it. He was astounded by the fact people did that. His hands were still trembling but his voice was becoming more controlled. Shiro seemed to notice this as he shifted closer to Matt and put an arm round his shoulder to comfort him. Matt accepted it and his head fell to Shiro’s shoulder.   
“How would you react if I told you me and Katie were 2 of the paladins?” What? Matt froze. How was Katie involved in all this? Why was Katie in space in the first place?   
“I’d tell you I want answers.” That’s all he wanted. “Is she safe, what’s going on? Shiro please tell me.”   
“I don’t want you to freak out, but I’ve been separated from them for about 7 months now. I have no idea what’s going on. But one thing I can tell you is this. You would be proud, she’s saved countless lives and her brains have saved us all on more than one occasion.” Matt wanted to cry. If this was the choice she made, he was both mad for leaving their mother and incredibly proud. He really wanted to see her again.   
“I- I want to find her. I need to. But dad’s…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. Instead he shifted to face Shiro and just jumped back into his arms, crying on his shoulder. The tears told Shiro everything. Sam Holt was dead. Never again coming home.   
“It’s okay. Matt, please don’t cry.” Matt lifted his head and made eye contact with Shiro. His eyes were sincere. His arms wrapped round Matt’s back as a sign of protection, Matt couldn’t help it. This was the first time in so long he’d felt a hug as safe as this. This is what he received from his parents when he would cry. That assurance, that safety. “We’re going to find them. I swear it. We will find Katie and the rest of Voltron. But first you need to sleep, can you do that for me?” Matt would try. The sleep he always had was full of fear and he knew that his past experience would haunt him for the rest of his life. But as weak as he was, he wanted to get better. He wanted to power through and find positivity again.   
He knew the road would be long and would get harder, that’s what his dad always told him. But the fact was, he had Shiro again. He was going to find Katie, they were going to be the unstoppable due they were as kids.   
He wanted it all back. Or as much as he could salvage from the grim reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it was really fast paced at the start! I tried to get it to match how Matt was feeling at the time, but I'm not sure if it worked. Also yes, there will be more Shiro x Matt. Mainly because in my opinion, I see them as a couple that love each other but rely on the other for emotional support. Especially with the PTSD they both have from being captured by the Galra. I'm sorry if people don't really want that, but this is the idea I'm going with.  
> Also, last note, I have this idea that while Shiro uses Pidge, around Matt, he will use Katie. Mainly because he doesn't want to make Pidge talk about something she might not be ready to talk about.


	3. Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's scared. But how do they all deal with it. It appears for Lance, he doesn't deal with it well.

He paced the hallway. Lance knew he had to speak up soon. He and Keith had made up, sure; but why did he still feel so scared about opening up to him? This was one of those things he didn’t know. They’d been searching for Shiro for so long they felt lie giving up. This whole experience was destroying the bonds they’d made. None of them really talked that much about missions. They just did them; simple. They talked about anything else fine. But the conversation went sour when someone mentioned Shiro.   
“Lance? Is that you?” Keith walked up to him and gave him a sincere look.   
“Yeah. Listen can we talk. Like, in my room?” He was sick of all the drama this ship was causing. Lance grabbed Keith’s hand and walked to his room. Keith was confused. His face had a quizzical look, and he followed Lance in hope of answers. The door shut behind Keith as he walked in and Lance just stood there. That was until Keith spoke up.  
“Look what’s going on?” Keith looked desperate for answers. Lance wanted to talk, but he was scared.   
“I’m scared Keith.” Then the dam broke. All the emotion he’d kept in for so long flushed out. He felt useless. He was the seventh wheel, the extra part they were trying to use; even though he knew he’d never fit in. Keith brought him closer and wrapped him into a tight embrace.   
“It’s going to be okay. What’s scaring you?” Keith was worried. That was an understatement at this point. “Babe what’s wrong? Tell me please.”  
“I’m just an extra wheel. I’m scared I won’t ever get home. My family probably think I’m dead! I know I should be thinking about Shiro and saving pidge’s family but I’m so scared about everything else!” The rest of what he said was cut off by loud sobs. All Keith could do was bring them both down to the floor where he placed Lance in his lap so he could rub circles into his back.   
“You know I love you right?” This made Lance stop for a moment. He knew they were dating, but Keith saved his ‘I love you’ for when they were truly alone. In this case however, it made him feel safe. Lance nodded in reply.  
“Good. Because I want to keep you safe. You’re not an extra wheel. You’re going to get home. Your family will know you’re alive. Most of all, you’re not bad for thinking about your family instead of Pidge’s; we all miss those we hold dear. Now please, let me get rid of those tears.” Keith moved his hands to Lance’s face and wiped under his eyes as Lance stopped crying. Keith looked happy at this and moved to kiss his lips. Lance followed suit and they both moved closer to each other when their lips touched. Their lips seemed to move on Keith moved his arms to over Lance’s shoulders so they hung freely.   
Their moment seemed to last forever; but it still felt too short. It was broken short when the door opened and Pidge stood there, immediately looking apologetic. All three of them jumped a mile as Lance and Keith quickly stood up, but holding hands.  
“I’m so sorry!” Pidge was bright red as was shaking like a leaf. She looked genuinely sorry.   
“I-It’s okay! What’s wrong?” Keith was more composed than Lance; despite the fact that he was just as shocked.   
“I was told to come find you guys. We’re going to be landing on a planet soon so Allura wanted to talk to us all. I’m sorry.” Pidge was calming down, but was still shaking.   
“Hey. It’s okay. Just knock next time okay.” Lance was calming down and even felt like trying to make a joke; however he realised that it wouldn’t serve much of a purpose as they had all gone back to normal. “You go on ahead. We’ll follow you.” With that Pidge walked out and ran back to Allura and the others.   
“You going to be okay?” Keith asked. He wasn’t that worried now Lance had calmed down.   
“Yeah. Thanks for that.” Lance smiled as he leant forward to kiss Keith. He accepted as they stood there for a minute, before walking hand in hand to the next situation; together, where they couldn’t be harmed.   
After reaching the rest of the crew they were still holding hands and Allura picked up on it, simply smiling at them; showing her support.   
“Paladins, we are going to be reaching a new planet soon. They specialise in their trade and extravagant markets. We will be here for what you call a week. There is plenty of time to explore so I ask you all to be careful. Galra are known to roam and take those who look lost.” Allura knew the risks. They were spending a long time here. But it was essential. There were tasks that needed to be done outside the ship. Establishing relationships with different planets and so on. This is where her skills come in. Her father had trained her in establishing good relations between nations. It was one of the qualities she prided herself in.   
“It also gives me time to ask about my family. There’s got to be someone who knows something.” Pidge adjusted her glasses. They constantly seemed to be slipping down her face; as if they weren’t hers.   
“Question. If there are Galra, why haven’t they taken over?” Everyone looked at Hunk as he said that. It was a good question. With it Coran had the answer they all wanted.   
“Well, they used to. But it appears they were given their independence. We don’t know why.” Coran looked concerned at this. Why would a planet so valuable be freed without a reason?  
“I know why. Lotor was here.” Lance squeezed Keith’s hand and tightened his other fist. The four remaining paladins had encountered Prince Lotor. Lance more than any of them. It got to him as he nearly always lost the fights they had.   
MEANWHILE  
“Where are we?” Matt knew Shiro wouldn’t have the answer, but he could still ask. The pod they escaped in had only landed yesterday and they had been walking ever since. They could see a town in the distance, but that distance blocked out the small ravine they’d have to cross to get there.   
“I’m not sure. But we must get to that town in the distance and get different clothes. Are you okay walking?” Shiro looked into the distance. All he could focus on was the town.   
“I’m fine, Shiro. Don’t worry. Come here.” With that Matt walked towards Shiro and they hugged. They were both safe now. That’s all that mattered. “Calm down okay? We’re going to be alright. We’ll get the info we need and I might even find something to track Katie with.” Matt looked at Shiro with determination.   
“Okay. Thanks Matt. I just- I’m scared. What if we never find them?” Shiro was terrified of that. Never finding them. It was the reality that they were lost on a planet forever. Everyone they knew thinking they were dead.   
“We’ll find them. But first, let’s get to the other side of this ravine. Luckily, there’s a path we can take down. Let’s just hope there’s one on the other side.” Matt leant up to kiss Shiro. They were both scared. But Matt kept it in more often than not.   
“Let’s go.” Shiro smiled as they started to walk towards the path that lead into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I'm really excited for this chapter because I feel its better than the others. Now the characters are introduced I can carry on with the story.   
> Also, that kiss scene was nerve wrecking for me to write. Hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if sounds a little crappy, I'm not very good at writing like this!

He felt dead. If you were stuck inside the work camp you were dead. Sam Holt wasn’t dead, but he sure bloody felt it. He doesn’t even know how much times passed, but he is still being tortured daily for information he knew nothing about. They asked him anything and everything about Earth and its location. Some days they just tortured him for the fun of it; for a kick. But he could feel himself slipping away slowly but surely. When he is on deaths door, they use quintessence on him and bring him back. He just wants it all to end. His family is gone, his hopes are dead, his once bright eyes had faded and most of all, he couldn’t even visualize a way out anymore.   
“Todays the day genius. Today it’s all going to end.” That’s what he told himself. Prisoners died a lot here. They just deposed of the body and got another prisoner inside. There was no funeral; nothing.   
There were some days where he doubted he was alive. Those days were the worst. He’d gone numb to the whole torture thing. It was like no one cared anymore. He had one hope that survived; that Matt had escaped this hell.   
Meanwhile-  
Matt’s feet were killing. If nothing else, the walking was torture. They’d spent a day walking down and then walking up the other side. Shiro had almost carried him; but Matt managed to pull through.   
“Are you okay, do you need a break?” Shiro was still worried though. It’d been so long since Matt had gone such a long distance he was concerned he could follow.   
“I’m fine. My feet hurt but that’s natural. Are we nearly there?” He didn’t want to sound whiny but his feet were in a lot of pain.   
“I can see a lot more detail. We’re virtually there now. Do you want a piggyback ride?” Matt smiled. He loved Shiro if it wasn’t already obvious. He was just lucky Shiro loved him back.   
“Fine. Let me down when we get there though.” As he said this Shiro lowered down so Matt could jump on his back and get comfy. “Thanks.”  
“It’s fine. Are you ready?” Matt nodded and Shiro stood up. This was new. “You know when we find Katie, what are you going to do?” Shiro said this with genuine confusion.   
“I’m going to kiss you in front of her to let her know I’m bi I guess. But after I’m going to talk, cry, hug and whatever else.” Matt was sure on one thing now thanks to his boyfriend. It was that they were going to find the ship he was on. They were going to be safe again.   
“We better find them fast then!” With that they both started laughing. This is what he liked about them. The times where they didn’t need to touch but simply be there to be happy.   
After a while they reached the town. The people there were surprisingly happy to know that people had arrived. Shiro let Matt down and they held hands when they encountered this new place. They both walked around the town looking for somewhere to buy clothes when they heard a voice.  
“Let’s go down here.” Shit. A figure emerged as they ran to a side alley. They then bumped into a figure and Shiro and said figure fell to the floor.  
“OW! Watch it!” Shiro jumped up. The voice was familiar. Could it be?   
“Shiro are you okay? Here take my hand.” Shiro took Matt’s hand as he stood up. Then it dawned on him as the figure took off his cloak.   
“Coran?” Coran jumped up and hugged Shiro, there were tears in his eyes.   
“It’s really you! Are you okay? Who is this? Why does he look like Pidge?” Coran was astounded by Shiro’s appearance as Matt opened his mouth. Shiro quickly settled the situation.   
“Coran, this is Matt. Matt this is Coran. Matt is Pidge’s older brother. Katie went undercover as Pidge Gunderson so we all call her Pidge.” Matt looked down. He didn’t care about the name. He just wanted to see Katie now.   
“Hey! Are you okay down there Coran? Why are you shouting?” speak of the devil. Matt tensed up. He backed away. Shiro took notice of this and grabbed his hands and held them close. Shiro look anxious too. He looked like he couldn’t face it either. Katie approached and dropped her bayard when she got to Coran.  
“Matt? Shiro?” That’s all she said as she jumped towards Matt. She was so happy she could cry. All the heartbreak, searching. And he was here now.   
“It’s me Katie. I’m here.” With that Matt started crying. This set Katie off crying too. Shiro smiled. There were tears in his eyes. He’d wanted the two to reunite for so long.   
“Where’s dad?” Matt froze, his eyes went wide and his breathing changed. Shiro noticed this and took over.   
“There’s a possibility Sam could be dead. He’s been sent to a work camp. Matt was told he’s dead. Katie I’m sorry.” Katie wasn’t mad. She had accepted this. But Matt clung to her for dear life; like it was his fault. It wasn’t his fault but he couldn’t help but blame himself.   
“It’s not your fault, Matt. I’m so glad you’re alive. At least one of you is here.” Katie didn’t seem as mad at all. He wanted her to be mad at him; that would have made the reunion easier.   
“I-I’m sorry.” All he could do was apologise. He gripped at her tighter as Shiro rubbed a hand on his back. Matt jumped as he felt the contact. He’d kept it in; held in everything he wanted to hide. And now it was all coming out. He’d wanted to hug her for so long, and now he did, all he could do was cry.   
“It’s okay Matt. Don’t apologise. I’m just glad you’re okay. Now can we take you back to the ship, get you a change of clothes.” Pidge was starting to wipe her eyes, like she was about to start crying all over again.   
“Good plan.” Coran was tearing up. Seeing a family come together made him think of the family he would never see again. What he would do for just one moment.   
“Matt, are you going to be okay walking? I know how much pain you were in.” Shiro knew how much Matt’s feet hurt, he’d carried him for a lot of the way here. Matt let go of Pidge and walked to Shiro and nodded.   
“I don’t know. They hurt, but I should be okay. Thanks babe.” Matt could feel all the energy draining from his body when he dried the tears in his eyes. His legs felt like jelly as he could feel himself fall to the floor. His head was about to hit the floor when Shiro caught him.  
“You’re not okay. We need to get you back to the ship.” Shiro’s eyes were filled with worry. Matt wasn’t dumb, he knew he should be honest. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt like jelly.   
“I-I’m fine. I just need some rest. This whole experience is a bit new.” Lie. He was pain, he hadn’t been able to heal form all the time being captured by the Galra. He had wounds that scarred without being treated; all of them probably infected. He wanted to get out, go home with Katie and their dad.   
“Here let me carry you.” Shiro knew he was in pain, so he bent down to his knees and Matt hopped onto his back and Shiro stood back up again.   
“Thanks.” Matt murmured, before dropping his head and instantly falling asleep.  
“Is he going to be okay Shiro?” Katie looked very concerned at her brother falling asleep that fast. It wasn’t until Coran put his hand on her shoulder that she calmed down.  
“He’ll be exhausted from all the traveling he’s done. He’s probably not been a bit to sleep for a long time. We’ll go back to the ship, leave the others for now. They’ll be back soon enough. We’ll get him into one of the healing pods and see what we can fix, eh?” Coran made a good parental figure, it reminded Katie of her own father. She could only wonder what was going on, but one thing she knew. Sam Holt couldn’t be dead, he wasn’t allowed to be. Matt would never forgive himself if it was true.   
“Are we going?” Shiro’s voice dragged Katie from her thoughts, she was Coran and Shiro, with Matt on his back leaving the alleyway and walking towards the light, as if it was a new start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! At first I was going to have Sam be dead, but it hurt me to write it so I did that instead, sorry! Also, with Pidge, I do feel that she would be comfortable with Matt calling her Katie, don't hate me for it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strap up kids this is one hell of a ride. I'm sorry about not uploading in to long!

“Hello?” Allura was the only one on the ship currently. She was trying to relax, but she couldn’t stop thinking about finding Shiro. It had been too long. He was like the brother she never had. She needed his opinion, he was a leader, she wasn’t anymore. She had no planet, no father and no chance of taking down the Galra Empire by herself.  
“Allura, its us.” The voice snapped her to reality. It couldn’t be. Shiro?  
“Shiro? Is that you?” She stood up and ran to him. She couldn’t comprehend how, but she felt like a sense of stability had been returned to the ship.   
“It’s me. I’m home Allura.” With that Shiro seemingly broke his usual character and hugged Allura. He could see she was on the verge of tears.   
“Never leave like that again! We thought you were dead!” Allura’s words were broken up by the fact that she was sobbing uncontrollably. Shiro just held on, and Allura gripped onto him for dear life.   
“I’m sorry for leaving you. I know you’re like my sister, it must have been hard.” When Coran looked at Shiro, he could see his eyes watering; clearly he was happier than he was letting on.   
“Shiro, who is this?” Matt woke up a while ago and insisted on walking. He settled for Katie helping him, making sure he could stand up. Shiro wasn’t happy about it, but Matt needed his independence back, step by step.  
“Oh I forgot, you two haven’t met,” Shiro let Allura go and she calmed her breathing, her face was patchy but she was happy, “this is Matt Holt. Pidge’s older brother.” Suddenly she smiled and patted her eyes, getting rid of tears.   
“I’m sorry for the display, I’m Princess Allura, of Altea. I’m happy you were found. Pidge hasn’t stopped searching for you since she became a paladin.” She held out her hand and Matt walked towards her and he took her hand, shaking it. He leaned into her ear and said. “Thank you. Thank you for doing what I couldn’t. I’m in your debt, thank you for protecting my sister.” Matt released her hand and walked back over to Katie before stumbling and falling. He seemed to fall in slow motion and blacked out when he hit the floor.  
“Matt?! Wake up!” Katie was the first at his side. She was shaking his shoulders, expecting him to wake up. When Shiro appeared next to her and put his hand to Matts mouth, after feeling air, he sighed in relief.   
“He’s fine, Katie. He’s blacked out. Coran, can we get him to a healing pod please?”   
“Ah! Yes, let’s be off!” Coran nearly sprinted out, he was over the moon now that Shiro returned.   
After getting Matt into a pod, Shiro and Pidge down in front of it and looked at each other. This silence lasted for about 2 minutes before Pidge broke the silence with a question. “Shiro, where have you been? What happened after the battle with Zarkon?” She looked worried, as if she were scared by the answer she would get.  
“Well, I’m not entirely sure to be honest. When I woke up, I was on Kerberos, at least it looked like it. Turns out that was a dream curtesy of the Galra. I was captured by one of their ships and they mind controlled me into being their soldier. After about 6 months I snapped out of it. I kept acting like I was still under their control and that’s when I found Matt on a rebel ship that the Galra were attacking. We escaped and landed on this planet and found this town.” Shiro looked back at his experience and thought was it all worth it? He’d escaped again, but he skipped over so many parts; the torture, the cruel punishments, the pain of having your mind warped against you.  
“Thank you.”   
“Pidge? Why are you thanking me?” He was genuinely confused by this. He’d done what anyone would have, hadn’t he?   
“You saved Matt and protected him. That’s more than I’ve ever done. Shrio we were all so scared for your safety. But there’s something I have to tell you.” Pidge was fidgeting and messing with her hands before Shiro put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down.  
“Go on.”  
“I’m non-binary, meaning I’m not male or female. I’m scared of telling Matt and the others.” Pidge looked at the floor too scared as to how Shiro would react. Shiro destroyed her worst fears by putting his hands on their face and forced them to meet his gaze.   
“Pidge, you do realise we love you regardless of gender right? Matt will be happy you’re happy and the others will accept you regardless. We all have our fears and we all have Voltron to help us through the days we feel our worst. We will accept you with whatever choices you make in life. What pronouns would you prefer?” Pidge felt like a wide load had been lifted from their shoulders, like they didn’t have to hide anymore.  
“They or them. Thank you Shiro.”  
“It’s okay Pidge”  
MEANWHILE  
“We should probably get back soon.”  
“It’ll be fine Lance don’t worry.” Keith and Lance were sat down against a tree trying to have a sense of normality while the others were off exploring. Lance was sat with his head resting on Keith’s shoulders while he was looking off into the distance. “Hey what’s wrong?”   
“What if we never get home? What if this is the last time we do ‘normal’?” This was one of Lance’s biggest fears; never getting home and his family forgetting about him. Luckily Keith was always there to reassure him that he would get home.  
“Babe, it’s going to be okay. We’ll get Shiro and Pidge’s family and we’re going to make it home. Come ‘ere.” Keith spun round and placed himself in Lance’s lap as he pulled Lance into an embrace that led to his head falling onto Lance’s shoulders. Lance then proceeded to kiss Keith’s hair in an attempt to face him directly. This seemed to work and their lips connected. Their problems seemed to go away when they were life this, they had each other and nothing else seemed to matter. Lance then moved his kissing to Keith’s jaw, causing a slight moan to escape Keith’s mouth.   
This moment seemed to last forever when they realized where they were. They needed to get back to the ship if they were to continue this. Keith broke their brief moment first. “Lance we need to get back to the ship if this is going to play out. Ahh-Hey! Don’t leave marks that visable!” Lance knew what he was doing, Keith knew that.   
“Oh sorry. Let’s go, the faster we get back we faster we can carry on.” Keith blushed at this and by looking at Lance; he already was.  
“Am I interrupting something?” This voice broke their plans. This voice broke their sweet moment. This voice was followed up with them being surrounded by soldiers. The voice of Lotor always interrupted any normal the Voltron paladins would ever have.   
“Lotor. What are you doing here?” Keith stood up and pulled Lance up with him. Lance could feel Keith’s hand tremble as he got up.   
“If I told you that it wouldn’t be a surprise. Bring the boy.” With this Lance froze. He feared the worst. Hunk. Hunk went alone when they left the ship. It had to be him. His fears were confirmed when they dragged a limp body to Lotor’s feet.   
“No…” Lance couldn’t move. They couldn’t have killed Hunk. Could they?  
“Oh he’s not dead. Yet. Cooperate and he’ll live.” Lotor was heartless, this was known. His father’s rejection made him heartless and resentful. But this wouldn’t have bothered Lance. Lance wanted blood now Hunk was involved. Hunk was like his brother. The two had been inseperable for so long, and now he risked losing him.  
“You bastard. How could YOU!?” With this Lance charged at Lotor, keeping him completely open to attack. His rational thoughts drowned out by the crazy ones. He didn’t stop running as he jumped into the air and aimed his fist in Lotor’s head causing the latter to fall to the floor. Lance landed beside Lotor with an expression of pure murder.   
“Lance don’t do this, just get Hunk and let’s go!” Keith picked up his helmet and screamed into the mic that connected the Paladins. “Someone help us! Hunk’s been knocked out and Lance’s gone berserk! Lotor’s here!” Allura seemed to have received the message when she replied. “Right! I’m sending the green lion. Don’t fight him try to calm Lance down.” Keith nodded and ran towards Hunk and tried to drag him back.   
“Lotor we don’t want to fight you. Lance come on. We need to get Hunk to safety.” This simply ended with a soldier holding a gun to Keith’s head with a hand around his throat. He dropped Hunk and immediately tried to get rid of the hand cutting off his breathing.   
“Lance if you want this to end then give up. Surrender yourself to me.” Lotor seemed to climb back up as he let out a laugh.   
“Why are you doing this?” Lance looked up to meet Lotor’s eyes. The murderous intent had gone from Lance’s eyes and all that was left was despair. This had all happened so fast it was unbearable.   
“Because I want Voltron gone. As much as I didn’t care for my father, I want to bear him before Voltron does. Get it?” This statement light a flame within Lance. He wanted to escape with Hunk and Keith but he knew there was no other alternative. If Lotor believed that he was out of the picture it would make him release Keith and Hunk.   
“Fine. So all you want is Voltron gone right?”   
“Yes. That’s what I want.”  
This was when the Green Lion landed and Pidge and Shiro emerged.   
“So you’ll be happy if I do this?” Lance grabbed his bayard and shot his leg, immediately screaming in agony before falling to the floor.  
“LANCE!”  
“That’s it for now Paladins. Fall back troops.” Lotor and his troops walked away and the other paladins ran to Lance and Keith stood still, too scared to move.   
“Lance can you hear me? I need you to say something.” Shiro shouldn’t have been there. He was lost. Lance thought.  
“I- I thought you were gone?”   
“I thought you didn’t take dumb risks. Lets get you back to the ship.” Shiro sounded worried. More so than usual. Lance wasn’t the one to act like that but it was the only way to win.   
“Lance? Why did you do that?” Keith ran to his side after regaining the feeling in his body. He picked Lance up and carried him bridal style.  
“It was me or you. He had a gun to your head I couldn’t have had that. I’m sorry.” With that he felt his eyes dropping. Keith sensed this.  
“Babe I need you to stay awake for me. Please, just for a little while.” Pidge looked at Keith as if saying, its time to go, and while Shiro picked up a still knocked out Hunk they all ran to the Green Lion.   
Once they were there Pidge immediately set off. Knowing that Lance could lose too much blood before they got to the healing pods.  
“I know this probably wasn’t the way you wanted to find me.” Shiro really hit the nail on the head there, Keith thought.   
“How’s Lance holding up?” Pidge was worried, as they were about to land back on the ship it hit them. This could be how the rest of the fights go with Lotor. Lance supposedly looked ready to kill and he shot his leg just to make Lotor retreat. They were so scared about confronting Lance about this. How could they?   
“He’s blacked out, but the bleedings slowed down thanks to the pressure on the wound. We need to hurry though, I don’t want to risk anything.” Keith was right, yes the bleeding had slowed down, but he could still bleed out. When they landed Keith ran off with Lance in arms and went straight to the healing pods, completely ignoring Allura and the rest of the paladins. He was focused on saving Lance.   
Once there, Keith got rid of the armour and left Lance in his black suit underneath and placed him in one of the healing pods. It was only then when Coran came that the pod was set up properly and Lance could heal.  
“Are you okay?” Coran looked at Keith and he looked as if he was about to scream. This question allowed Keith to break completely, all his fears escaping in the form of sobs and he practically jumped into Coran’s open arms.   
“I was so scared. His face looked like a strangers!” Instead of this coming out normally, it came out in between broken sobs and Coran rubbed Keith’s back.   
“We need to get you to the others, Lance will be in there for a while. Plus, they’re all worried about you.   
“I need to see Shiro.” Keith’s breaths were returning to normal and his eyes were puffy and red when he looked up. “But I want to get out of my suit first. Coran I’ll be there soon okay? Thank you.” Coran smiled at him and rubbed one of his eyes, almost as if he was on the verge of crying himself. Keith walked to Lance’s pod and checked to see if he was still alive. After confirming to himself that Lance was alive and well, he walked to his room and got changed. He sat on his bed for a minute to collect his thoughts when Hunk walked in.   
“Hey.”  
“Hunk I thought you were still knocked out.”   
“Yeah, I woke up and after being checked over by Allura I’m fine. Just a bruise on my head. How’s Lance?” this question was unanswerable. How was he? What was going through his head?   
“I- I don’t know. But you two must be closer than brothers for him to have acted like that.” Keith was scared of the side of Lance he saw today, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. Instead, Hunk walked up to him and grabbed his hand.   
“We’re the closest brothers can get. Come on let’s go!” Keith allowed himself to stand up and be dragged by Hunk until they reached the bridge of the ship. The door opened and he ran into Shiro’s arms and allowed his façade to break for one day. He sobbed and sobbed as Shiro held him tightly.   
“I’m back Keith. I’m sorry.” Shiro rubbed circles into his back as Keith continued to cry, not caring about what the other thought.   
“Don’t ever do that again! You’re like an older brother Shiro. I can’t lose you too!” The two remained like this for a while, at least until Keith started to calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry. Don't sue me or anything but I think that Lance gets really mad when his friends are threatened which led to his outburst. I know it is kinda rushed but I'm not the best at describing stuff so I apologise! Also Pidge will now be going with they/them pronouns so in case there is any confusion that should settle it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance opens up to the other paladins

Time had passed since Lance had his outburst. He emerged from the healing pod just fine but he was different. Keith was closer to Shiro, but that was justified; everyone was closer to Shiro now he was back. All Matt and Pidge had done was catch up. The two however, did bicker, but it was friendly sibling bickering, rather than words they meant.   
Lance felt more alone, he thought they were all afraid of him. He couldn’t help what happened. When Hunk and Keith were in danger he just lost it. But he didn’t mean to shot himself. That wasn’t on the table. Honestly at the time, he just wanted it all to be over. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want Lotor to get Voltron. Now whenever he saw the others in the castle, they looked at him as if they were trying to get answers. It led him to stop leaving his room.   
He’d accepted the fact they didn’t care. No one knocked on his door. At least they hadn’t until he pondered that thought again. There was a gentle knock at the door and it opened and though it emerged Matt; someone who he’d not talked to much, but knew all about.  
“Sorry if I’m disturbing anything. Can we talk?” His voice didn’t sound scary, or uncaring, rather it sounded concerned which made Lance want to open-up.   
“Uh-uh.” Was all he could reply.   
“Look. I know we haven’t talked much, but Katie is really worried. Hunk and Keith are considering all sorts of nonsense to try and get you to talk about what happened. Shiro was prepared to wait it out, but I wanted answers. Sorry if this is an invasion of privacy, I have my own secrets, but shooting yourself is reason enough for us all to want answers.” Matt walked over to Lance’s bed and sat down on the chair that faced it.   
“So, I guess you all think I wanted to die or something?” Lance sounded distant and honestly, he didn’t want to be having this conversation.   
“I didn’t say that, but when you injure yourself like that, our worst fears can take over. I think you had your own reasons, but I want to help. Before you get ambushed.” Lance really wanted to open-up to Matt, but he was scared. What if they would all mock him behind his back?  
“Look. I’m not suicidal or anything. I’ve just been stressed out with Shiro being missing. When Lotor attacked, I lost it. Especially with Hunk being hurt. I thought he was dead. And plus, I didn’t want them to target any of my friends. I wasn’t thinking straight. I bet Keith’s terrified of me now, isn’t he?”   
“He’s not scared of you. He just wants answers.” Matt smiled and put a hand on Lance’s shoulder as an effort to show support.  
“Everyone wants answers and so do I. Why am I here? Why couldn’t the blue lion chose someone else? Does it have to be me? I’m not even special. I’m no-one!” Lance couldn’t help it. His emotions flooded out of him and his lip began to tremble. Just when he did that the door opened and Allura came in.   
“The Blue Lion chose you because you were the only person who could pilot it. The Blue Lion is the support network of Voltron, in other words, you keep everyone smiling. But just like the last Blue Paladin, you ended up being the most miserable. I understand you didn’t expect me to be waiting for this opportunity, and I’m sorry for intruding. But you need to understand that you are loved and valued by everyone on this ship.” Allura walked over to Lance’s side and sat down. Immediately after, the tears Lance had held it broke free and he clung to her for dear life. “I-I-I Just want to go home! They think I’m all dead!” He shouted as he was interrupted by sobs. “I know how you feel. My family was told I’m dead.” This was clearly still a sore topic for Matt, but he held in his emotions for the sake of the situation.   
This went on for a while, however Allura and Matt just supported Lance until he calmed down. “Do you feel like you could talk to everyone now? I’ll understand if not.” Allura explained. The two may not have not had the best of relationships, but she wasn’t going to sit back and let him fall under the pressures of life she knew all too well. “Yeah. Thanks.” Was all Lance said as he wiped his eyes on his shirt.   
Once they were all gathered together Keith immediately ran to Lance and hugged him like they would never see each other again. This nearly set Lance off crying again. “I’m here. It’s okay.” Keith said as he continued to hold his boyfriend.   
“Is it?” Lance asked, showing his terrified expression. “It doesn’t feel okay. I don’t feel okay. I haven’t felt okay for a long time. This team was the only thing keeping me together and when Shiro left, I started to break again. I can’t go back there, please. I want to go home. I was safe there.” He allowed Keith to lead him to a seat where he faced the floor, not looking up to see the faces of his peers.   
“Lance, you know as well as I do that I wouldn’t allow you to go down that path again. Not after last time.” Hunk broke a forming silence and instantly Lance stared at him, his face trembling with fear. “I’m sorry but its time, we need to tell them.”   
“Tell us what? What happened?” Keith looked confused. How could he not know? The two were dating. Why didn’t Lance tell him something like this?  
“Back before me and Hunk went to the Garrison, I was very different. I was more violent than I am now. I punched walls when I got mad, I got mad at myself because I was so weak. I was bullied by my peers at school and my siblngs tried to fend them off but I took things to heart and let the thoughts build and build until I snapped one day. Then I fought back, at myself. I thought it’d help at first and for a few seconds it did. I had the relief of feeling something. Then regret was all I felt. I hated it, but I couldn’t stop.” For a minute he stopped and took off his jacket and allowed the other paladins to see his arms, they were littered with scars.   
“Lance.” Keith looked like he was going to cry at this. He felt heartless, he’d never considered what Lance could have gone through.   
“Don’t feel sorry for me. I met Hunk and he helped me get better. My parents found out about the self harm and they were mad that I’d gone to such extremes and it took a long time to convince them I wasn’t suicidal but I’m about 2 years clean now. I felt safe when we first formed Voltron together and I really wanted it to last. But Shiro went missing and it all fell apart. I thought if I didn’t stop it’d get better, but it didn’t. I already wanted to go home, my family think I’m dead damnit.” He started crying again at this and Keith pulled him into an embrace to calm him down. “And when Hunk was laid there, I thought I thought he’s gone too. I just lost it.” After that he stopped talking, clearly showing the end of the discussion. It wasn’t like he hadn’t told them nothing. He told them the whole story.   
“Lance you know it is going to get better, right?” Shiro spoke up for the first time. “I mean I know how you feel. Voltron helped me to get my head around what happened. But please. Don’t go back there. Dark places are torture. But once you realise it’s going to get better, it starts to.”   
Things did get easier for everyone in the room after that. They all came out of the discussion with a smile on their faces. Voltron had helped them all, and when one of them was falling, they’d all help bring them back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo sorry I disappeared, I had a lot on my plate. But I essentially wanted to rewrite bits which I have now done. Just so it all makes sense. Lance wasn't suicidal, he needed a release from the negativity he was feeling. I need to get that point across as its very important.


End file.
